she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
