so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
