i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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