The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
