ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
