You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
