At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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