when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
