Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
