my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Duck Duck Cougar?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
