me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
