that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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