so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
