woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
