tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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