Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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