I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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