They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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