five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
