Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
