After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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