Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
