Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
