If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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