Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
