I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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