Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
