You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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