I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
