Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
