i don't like sucking hair
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Randomize
