just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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