my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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