i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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