i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
