Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she peed on how many people?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
