after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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