so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
