I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
