well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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