roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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