I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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