she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
