I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
