I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
