yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im part way to drunk.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
