I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
