I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
