You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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