did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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