I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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