booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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